Divorce is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life. Even the lucky people that seem to go through a divorce emotionally sound struggle when they’re home alone at night.
It’s normal to think “what went wrong?”
But if divorce is the only path to take, you must find a way to move on with your life during the proceedings.
1. Know What You’re Up Against
You need to know what you’re up against when getting divorced. Not only is this a trying time in your life, but the law can be very complicated. Know all of your state’s divorce misconceptions before you start.
In some states, you need to be separated for a period of time before filing for divorce.
Every state has its own laws in place. North Carolina requires a couple to spend 12 months apart before divorcing, whereas in New Jersey, you can file under “irreconcilable differences” and file for divorce after 6 months.
Knowing what you’re up against will help you map out your route to freedom so that you can move on with your life.
2. Reinvent Yourself
Many people model themselves around their relationship. A marriage is a bond between two people, and it’s not uncommon to enjoy the same activities and have the same friend circle. But when divorce proceedings occur, many people fall into a shell.
Support systems are often eliminated, and the activities you enjoyed as a couple will often bring about hurtful memories.
Instead, you’ll want to:
- Rekindle old friendships
- Pursue hobbies you have been putting off
- Meet new people
Get out there and start being friends will new people. Isolation isn’t going to make you feel better at this time.
Meetup.com is a great place to start to meet people based off of things you like to do.
3. Take Care of Yourself
You still have a life ahead of you. And while it’s easy to fall into depression, it’s also easy to stay out of the path of depression and take care of yourself. Even if you now have sole custody of the kids, you’ll need to find a way to care for you.
The time when you sacrifice for others is over.
- Exercise more
- Join a yoga class
- Start a new, healthy diet
Taking care of yourself can be something as simple as making social time a priority. It’s far too easy for a person to lose themselves after a divorce.
Remember this one simple thing: you’re worth it.
There will be countless excuses flowing through your mind on why you can’t do something good for you. You don’t deserve it. You’re too busy. You’ll do it later.
The time is now to take care of yourself – more than ever before.
4. Find Forgiveness
Forgiveness is elusive, and it can come in two forms: forgive yourself and forgive your partner. As the forgiveness is very important factor for relationship longevity. The latter can often be very difficult to do. Your spouse may have been mentally or physically abusive, and this is often difficult to forgive.
But there is one person you must forgive: you.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has a 15-step process on finding forgiveness – it’s worth a read.
If you can learn to find forgiveness, you’re on the right path to move on with your divorce and once again find happiness.