People are talking more openly about gays, lesbians, transgender people and other identities. But the topic of bisexuality is still very quiet. That is slowly changing now.
Teenager Nick, the seemingly confident rugby star and school heartthrob, likes both Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom in the pirate film Pirates of the Caribbean. And that he develops feelings for the shy Charlie, who was seated next to him in class, confuses the 16-year-old even more. The Netflix series “Heartstopper” sensitively shows Nick’s identification and awakening love for the openly gay Charlie. In recent weeks, the British series has sensitized millions of viewers worldwide to the emotional state of people who are both heterosexual and homosexual, who can be romantically or sexually attracted to more than one gender.
Bisexuality is often neglected in social discourse, according to the new non-fiction book “Bi – discovering diverse love”. Its author, legal psychologist Julia Shaw, says: “Bisexuality is not a trend.” The concept of this inclination has been around since the late 19th century. From zoology there is also the knowledge that many animals show bisexual behavior, in short: “that bisexuality is the norm”.
“In psychology, I find it interesting how many people who describe themselves as heterosexual have bisexual experiences,” says the 35-year-old, who was born in Cologne, grew up in Canada and lives in London as a scientist and author (“Das äudelic Memory – How our brain fakes memories”, “Evil: The psychology of our abysses”).
But the “B” in the abbreviation LGBT or LGBTIQ, for example, is often said right now in the so-called Pride month of June, but rarely properly thought through. The societal debate about bisexuality lags behind the acceptance of homosexuality by about 30 years, says Shaw. Her “Bi” book is the first popular scientific non-fiction book on this subject from a bestseller publisher. Many people have a kind of fear of fluidity, Shaw says. It is entrenched behind one-sided identities. As a bisexual woman, she often wondered where she belonged. She has therefore now written the book that she was missing as an “atlas of the bi-world”.
Unfortunately, the queer community is not necessarily a safe haven for “bi’s” (“safe space” as it is often called today). While heterosexuals met bisexuals with a kind of “hypersexualization” – according to the motto: “You can’t be faithful and want to do it with everyone” – lesbians and gays often reacted negatively because they regarded bisexuals as dishonest or discouraged, probably still on the way to the “real coming out”. As a result, there are arguably more people who are attracted to more than one gender than “100%” lesbians and gays.
But most bisexuals don’t talk about it – neither in the relationship or in the family nor in the circle of friends and certainly not at work. Bisexuals are twice as likely to hide their orientation as homosexuals, Shaw cites studies. According to Shaw, it is often misunderstood that the “bi” (from Latin “bi-” for “two”) stands for males and females. But that is the wrong binary. “Since the concept was created, it has been about people who are both homosexual and heterosexual.”
Shaw thinks little of the flippant German saying “A little bi never hurts”. “That’s superficially positive, since acceptance is of course the necessary first step for a ‘bi-inclusive’ society,” she says. “But if we take a closer look at the saying, what it means is that a lot of people in homosexual situations are ‘just playing’, but they’re ‘really’ straight.” Such a saying undermines bisexual identities. “Bisexuality has to be taken seriously, just as homosexuality is now mostly taken seriously.”
Shaw, on the other hand, finds the Netflix production “Heartstopper” helpful: “Such series are very important in order to make bisexuality visible. In the series, the bisexual boy Nick is even depicted in the Bi-Pride colors – pink, purple, blue – in the moment in which he admits to himself his feelings for his friend Charlie.” The coming-of-age story shows that these feelings can be euphoric. “Accepting them – rather than repressing them – is a healthy aspect of life.” Diverse love is to be celebrated – “in the same way we celebrate other love experiences”.
