Who does not know that? When you were at school or studying at the university you were inseparable with your clique – but a few years later, maybe in a new city with new jobs, partners and possibly even a family in the meantime, contact with friends has somehow rusted out. You wish each other happy birthdays and closely follow each other’s Instagram activities, but that’s pretty much it for the most part.
It could be a positive investment in your social life if you occasionally spontaneously contact friends, acquaintances and family, as American psychologists from the University of Pittsburgh found out. They carried out a total of seven experiments with around 6,000 students, in which the participants were asked to spontaneously shake hands with other people, call friends or write texts to acquaintances (such as letters, e-mails or text messages). They published their results in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
But first you are asked:
Maybe this feeling sounds familiar to you too: You are considering writing to one of your friends on WhatsApp – but the last chats you exchanged to date were six months ago. Should you really write again, or does that seem strange? The team of US psychologists led by lead author Peggy Liu, a business psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh, has found that these uncertainties are completely unfounded in most cases.
On the contrary, most would be happy and appreciate the contact. That not only triggers a good feeling in the old friends who are contacted again, but also in us, because we are perceived positively. Maintaining social relationships also has a positive effect on our mental health, the researchers write.
Liu emphasizes that people are first and foremost social beings and feel good when they are in contact with others. If you still have doubts about just saying hello to someone without any reason, the following trick might help, the scientist explains in a press release:
This was clearly shown by the evaluation of the individual experiments. In one experiment, half of the participants were asked to recall the last time they reached out to someone in their social circle by email, text message, or phone for no reason after they hadn’t interacted with them for a while.
The other half were asked to recall a similar situation when someone last spontaneously contacted them. They were then asked to indicate on a seven-point scale how grateful or pleased they or the person they contacted were with the contact. One meant not at all and seven meant a lot. Surprising: The person contacted in particular perceived a much more positive effect than the people who had contacted us.
In another experiment, participants sent a short note or small gift to someone in their social circle with whom they hadn’t spoken in a while. Similar to the previous experiment, the participants who initiated the contact were asked to rate on a scale how much they thought the recipient valued the contact. After the messages were sent, the researchers also asked the recipients to rate their gratitude.
In all experiments, those who reached out underestimated the extent to which others would appreciate being contacted. The more surprising the contact was with the others, the more it was rewarded. So if you want to put a smile on someone’s face, you now know what to do: Just say hello spontaneously!
If you are also plagued by constant insecurity when dealing with your friends, this text may help you:
