“Sixteen cows, at least five goats, tools for the farm, machetes and pieces of wax for my mother and my aunts: this was requested for my dowry. It took no less than 5,000 dollars [approximately 4,570 euros] for the purchase of all these goods. My fiancé was only making $250 a month at the time,” says Amani (not her real name), an interior designer from eastern Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). Invited to lower their demands, the family of the young woman did not want to hear anything. An intransigence that pushed the couple to break up after four years of relationship. “Some said my family was selling me out,” recalls the 30-something.
This situation is not uncommon in the DRC, where the price of marriage has soared in recent years. Without even the dowry, it is necessary to count several thousand euros for the purchase of clothes for the various ceremonies (customary, civil and religious), the costs of registering the marriage in the civil registry, the rental of the car and the village hall, the caterer… Huge expenses in a country where the minimum wage is capped at 120 dollars per month and where unemployment is around 50%, even taking into account the informal economy, according to Armand Lambert Kitenge, expert in management of economic changes.
The inflation of costs for future spouses is such that the Congolese Parliament is considering legislating on the subject. Daniel Mbau Sukisa, a deputy of the Movement for the Liberation of Congo (MLC, member of the majority), defends a bill that caps the amount of the dowry at 1 million Congolese francs (380 euros), “apart from the list of goods to be given according to the customs of the spouses”. In the event of payment of a higher amount, the excess must be reimbursed. The initiative, which involves modifying the family code, was deemed admissible in early May by the National Assembly and must now be examined in committee.
Cars, flat screens…
“As there is no cap, the parents of some young women ask for $1,000 to $5,000 in cash. Others demand goods that are outside their customs: they want cars, 75-inch flat-screen televisions or complete Canal kits with a two-year subscription. The dowry has lost all customary meaning. I see men going into debt to get married and suffering right after the festivities, ”laments the deputy, reached by telephone.
In order not to offend the families too much, the elected official recommends establishing a register of the goods required for marriage according to the different customs of the country, as well as the creation of a “numerary convention clause” to perpetuate the discussion between the relatives. future spouses and allow the man “to go beyond the legal guideline amount if he so wishes”.
A salutary initiative for Jeanancy Kapeta, 35, administrative assistant for a company manufacturing plastic objects: “My ex-girlfriend left me because I didn’t have enough money to marry her. If this bill passes, it will make things easier for me. With my modest salary, I will still be able to raise the money and everything I need to introduce myself to my future in-laws. I think it will be a real relief for young men of my condition. »
Jean Bondo, he had a completely different experience. “My fiancée’s parents did not demand any money. On the list they gave me, it was marked “Silver: optional.” Not all parents are greedy. And I think the state should not interfere in intimate matters that are family matters, ”says the 30-year-old.
Free union and schemes
This is also the opinion of MP Christelle Vuanga, president of the gender, family and children commission of the National Assembly, who opposes this modification of the family code. “Woman is priceless, and her value in money cannot be estimated. A man who considers that the requested dowry is disproportionate must refuse to marry. It’s the least you can do,” she says.
Faced with all these difficulties and constraints, some lovers opt for “yaka tofanda”, which means free union in Lingala. In their eyes, marriage is no longer obligatory. Others come up with schemes and present their parents with a fait accompli. “My brother got his girlfriend pregnant. The latter was sent home and now lives under our family roof. We couldn’t reject it. She shares the same room as my brother,” said a resident of Kinshasa.
While some end up regularizing their situation, for others cohabitation is a way of life. “It’s true that the dowry is part of our customs, but our parents must remember that they are not selling us, that they are not making a return on investment or a business,” says Amani, the young architect of inside.