How to deal with the massive temper tantrums of your child when you take away the tablet, the mobile…The lesson viral of a mother before the tantrum of her daughter: “When you are given something, you have to be grateful”‘You can get children to be obedient’
In the first place, we must distinguish between what is self-concept and self-esteem. At least so what is considered Beatriz Pérez , Social Worker and creator of the Va of short Stories, who explains that the self-concept is the image that we have (we are high, low, thin, brown…) and the self-esteem is the rating image and that will always depend on the model of beauty that we have established.
This expert explains that there are many signs that indicate that a child has low self-esteem, and that parents could not imagine. “There is a tendency to think that is when the small gives signs of being sad, she walks with her head down, it is sparing in words… And not, she notes, there is a lot more”.
Between the indicators that are most habitu ales of the low self-esteem, stresses the following:
—aggressive Attitude. behaves in this way because it is their way of defending themselves against the great fear that you feel before the non-approval of the others.
—she Says very often “I don’t know”. do Not know how to make decisions by himself, on many occasions, “as a consequence of that the parents will protect in excess of and they say in every moment what and how you do things. Are very undecided. The danger is that, as you grow in age, it does not know to face certain situations and decide for himself, to what he will say repeatedly, “I don’t know”. Without mom and dad will feel lost”, he says.
—Have difficulty expressing themselves to others. do Not know, or dare not, say exactly what they would like for their great insecurity.
—Try to please all the time. do Not know how to say no. “It is a very serious error because it does not put limits on themselves and have access to situations that do not makes them feel comfortable.
—Are too much of a perfectionist. Are afraid to make a mistake. Don’t know naturalise the error.
—Have mood-sad, smile a little , and their motivation is limited.
—Show difficulty relating to their friends . Do not understand the pleasure of playing with other children for fear and insecurity.
in response To these signals, Beatriz Perez recommended to the parents —during the presentation of the Family Festival, organized by the School Sprinter and that will take place next October 6—, that make an effort to see the children differently “to discover your true potential to the margin of the canons or models established socially in the media, social networks… because, if you do not care for the self-esteem, your development as an adult person will be greatly affected.
To facilitate this work there are two key inescapable: the respect and the love. “We live in a society in which it seems that the parents have the reason of everything and the children must obey, but it is also necessary to make an active listening to know what they feel, what they think … and put it in value. Also we must listen to ourselves because we don’t realize the messages that we pass on to them at home —when we are prey of are and the rush of the daily routine— and that, if we stop to think about it, sometimes they are real atrocities that damage your self-esteem.”
Recognized that when it is easier to yell at the kids and punish them “it is by the lack of mastery of other tools that cost more work to put into practice, “but that are more useful because they are based on respect and do not damage your self-esteem.”
There are tricks very simple to help these children. One of them is to change “to be” for “you are” to not pigeon hole or label to small. “It’s very different to tell a child “you are very naughty” or “you’re very nervous” to “it seems that today you are naughty” or “it seems that you’re nervous.” If you say the first thing, “you’re nervous,” the child recognizes it as something final that cannot be changed and will point to that tag in your log, but to tell him “such a little nervous”, you will think that the somewhat transient and can change in a little while, or tomorrow,” says Beatriz Pérez.
A simple game
you may Also be invited to participate in a simple game. Is to look at a person and say about it “what do I see?” —for example: has the painted fingernails, long hair, dressed in black…— and, later, think “what I imagine?” how to wear black, I imagine that you don’t like the colors and it is a sad person; as it has the nails painted is that it is very conceited and very vague because it does nothing to not damage the nails. “Later on, if we speak with that person, it is more likely that the reality is very different and the child will appreciate that nothing is what it seems, and that each one will imagine a thing so that there is no absolute truth over the image cast by the people, and all are respectable”.
Beatriz Pérez adds that stories are also a great tool to help the children to increase their self-esteem. “There are books, very simple, attractive and interesting with characters that allow children to identify with them and that they are models of today’s society. With a quick read and a joint allow to appreciate many values there are in them and that, in many cases, were unaware of,” he concludes.
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