According to a study by the German Society for Sex Research, just 33 percent of German women have an orgasm during sex – and only four percent of them through vaginal penetration. Only through clitoral stimulation do most women reach the climax. This is partly because the clitoris is an organ with 8,000 nerves. For comparison: In a man’s penis, “only” 4000 neurons converge.
Nevertheless, many women do not experience an orgasm – not only during the sexual act. “If the partner doesn’t ‘get it right,’ it may be because they’re not touching her in exactly the same way she’s used to touching herself. That’s the technical way. The emotional way is, ‘I can’t drop it”, is the verdict of Ann-Marlene Henning. The sex and couples counselor is convinced that most women do not know their bodies well or simply have not gained enough experience. “In many women, for example, there are still no synapses in the brain that ‘know’ what it’s like to be touched at the G-spot – because there has simply never been a touch there,” she continues.
As with any learning process, synapse pathways must first be created. About with sex toys? Her recommendation here is quite clear: “First of all, don’t!”. It is initially not good for a woman who does not even know herself or cannot satisfy herself to try a vibrator. “It is precisely this inner perception that you have to train before something can be associated with pleasure. My advice to all women who don’t have an orgasm: First learn to touch yourself.”
There’s a good reason women have better self-image than young girls as they age – they know their bodies. “Young women explore their bodies less,” Ann-Marlene Henning is certain. “They have sex, but often find their vagina disgusting. And if the brain associates something with disgust, then sex is not intended. That’s why I advise: explore yourself, play with yourself. Because the fact is: the brain is that largest sexual organ”. This sounds quite simple at first, but it is not for many women.
The inhibitions are often so great that it takes a lot of effort to take a closer look at the intimate area. In therapy, the sexologist therefore specifically tries to direct the women’s attention “downwards”. Among other things, she advises her patients to use a mirror to look at themselves from a different angle – in the truest sense of the word. The most important thing here is the time that you have to take for it. According to Ann-Marlene Henning, women could play with sensual oils, light massage candles and create a pleasant atmosphere. “To make it a good experience”.
Women often approach the subject too tensely. If you tense up too much when trying to induce an orgasm and you don’t breathe properly, you won’t get over the threshold, on the contrary: the arousal decreases. But: “You can learn to have an orgasm,” reveals the sexologist. Therefore, the training consists primarily of relaxing, just taking deep breaths and – most importantly – using the hands to explore the body. Be it alone or together with your partner. Because only when you know which areas need to be stimulated in order to experience an orgasm can you specifically address them.
Reaching for the vibrator is not (yet) recommended at this point. “The problem is this tense constant continuation for many who cannot come. In such cases I advise against sex toys. They vibrate too much. The clitoris likes it, but the vagina doesn’t – because it can hardly feel the vibration. So there is absolutely no point in inserting a vibrator,” the therapist describes the problem. “But if you know your body and know how to induce an orgasm, then using a sex toy is definitely recommended.”
She herself has even launched her own erotic card game (DOCH! DOCH! DOCH!), which is just as suitable for couples as it is for newly in love. “There are three rounds in total that should lead to a couple getting closer”. It’s not about getting naked as quickly as possible, but about building closeness and overcoming distances with the help of questions, eye contact and gentle touches. Regardless of whether you have just met or have been a couple for many years. Either way, the game can do a lot of good to bring two people together.
The nice thing is: When the knot has burst and a woman knows exactly how to climax, she can live out her sexuality according to all the rules of the art. Together with your partner or alone. “If you have your orgasm under control, you can definitely experiment with sex toys,” advises Ann-Marlene Henning. For practice, she recommends classic dildos in particular, since the vagina can only feel pressure and not vibration. However, sex toys should be used with caution: “It’s not good if you’re dependent on a vibrating device, meaning you can only cum with it,” she warns.
Vibrators for laying on are currently particularly in demand. They primarily stimulate the clitoris, making them a popular means of masturbation for women. Alternatively, they can also be used during sexual intercourse – there are special models for him and her. “Even in penetrative, i.e. normal, sexual intercourse, there is clitoral involvement,” the sex therapist also knows. The realization that sex toys can help promote an orgasm is all the more valuable. As long as a woman knows her body and enjoys exploring it.
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While sex toys used to be made of rubber or PVC, most vibrators today are made of medical silicone, which – unlike other materials – does not contain any harmful phthalates (i.e. plasticizers) that are absorbed by the mucous membranes vaginally and anally. But sex toys made of hard plastic, glass, stainless steel or ceramic are now also very popular. The question arises, which of these promises the most fun? Here you can find out what advantages the different materials have to offer:
Medical silicone has several advantages: It has a very smooth and soft surface, which makes it particularly slippery. In addition, it is easy to clean and kind to the skin. The material is very robust and resistant, so it does not provide a breeding ground for bacteria that can quickly nest in the smallest cracks. The only drop of bitterness: Silicone-based lubricating gels damage the material, so only water-based lubricating gel can be used.
Acrylonitrile butadiene styrene copolymer (ABS for short) is a plastic without plasticizers, which is also said to have good sliding properties. In contrast to silicone, the sex toys made of skin-friendly plastic are significantly harder – but they also have a long service life. You can also easily clean the ABS with soap and water.
Glass sex toys may seem alien to many because the material is very fragile — but not shatterproof glass dildos or butt plugs (although don’t drop them on the tiled floor!). In contrast to the other materials, glass is hypoallergenic, and it can also be both cooled and heated: and thus promises very special intimate experiences. Here you can use silicone and water-based lubricants, cleaning is also a breeze.
Sextoys made of stainless steel are – at least in Germany – made of 100 percent surgical steel, which is also nickel-free. Similar to glass, the material can be cooled or heated and thus provide a special kick. Especially when it comes in the form of an anal plug or nipple clamps. Stainless steel can be easily cleaned with soap and warm water. And the best part is: the sex toy takes on body temperature.
Ceramic sex toys are much less common, but are still freely available. Slightly heavier in the hand, the robust material has a number of advantages, such as its good maneuverability and its smooth, easy-to-clean surface. In addition, the material is very skin-friendly as there is no known allergy to ceramic sex toys.
Supposedly, dildos have been around since antiquity in the 6th century (BC) – although at that time they were still used for voyeuristic stimulation of the partner. The realization that these can also be used for masturbation only came much later. At that time they were still called olisbos, but the term “dildo” was introduced in the 18th century. What many do not know: In its early days, the sex toy was still considered a medical aid, for example to widen the vagina before a natural birth. Today, however, it only serves to increase a woman’s sense of pleasure or to make love life between two people more exciting. Either way, the topic of sex toys has long since ceased to be taboo – after all, it enriches the lives of millions of singles and couples many times over. Especially if it can help you to have an orgasm.
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