Twenty-seven years ago, 130 victims were killed in Paris terror attacks. The sister of the British victim claims she doesn’t hate them.
Zoe Alexander was nervous as the verdicts were delivered at the conclusion of the largest trial in French history.
She spent the past 10 months listening to evidence on Paris about the events of the night of 13/11/15, the night Nick was killed.
It was very electric. The court was packed. “It felt like a very important moment had been achieved,” she said from High Wycombe in Buckinghamshire after returning from Paris.
Zoe was unable to be present in the same room with her younger brother’s murderers. She was shocked at how similar they looked to Nick, who was 35 at the time he died.
She says, “Being there and watching these guys sitting on the dock, roughly the same age as mine, I just felt it to be such a waste. The enormity of this tragedy seemed even greater.”
Zoe describes Nick as a bright force and a quirky and funny child. There was a seven year gap between the two of them growing up in Weeley (Essex), but it didn’t seem to matter.
He excelled at his job as merchandise manager for Eagles of Death Metal in the US. This was because he was a people person and loved to interact with fans.
Nick was at a sold out gig at Paris’ Bataclan Theatre when three gunmen entered the building and shot him along with 89 other people.
Zoe says that tributes came flooding in from music icons like Damon Albarn or Cat Stevens. However, there were also people who only had the opportunity to meet him once, but still felt he had left an impression on them.
She smiles and says, “That’s exactly the kind of guy he was.”
Last year was the first time that Zoe, her parents Sheelagh, and Barry began to think more about Barry’s attackers. She says that their legal team sent them their profiles. They suddenly became people with stories.
“I had never paid much attention before. We didn’t have the time to examine it. She adds that we were just trying to put one foot in front the other.”
Six of the six defendants, who are presumed dead, are missing were tried in their absence. She faced 14 of them, however, in a large Paris courtroom that was specifically designed to hold more than 500 people.
“It was very human to be in the exact same room with the perpetrators. These two sides were juxtaposed, Zoe says.
She was determined to learn the truth about their defeat. Zoe would not accept the legacy of hatred and intolerance that they left behind.
“We are not at war against you, but you’re at conflict with yourself.” Your parents have also walked the same path as mine. I hope you can look within your heart and see that it was worth it,” she said.
She felt anxious on Wednesday night when it was time for the verdicts. She was not worried about justice being done (she trusted the process and knew she had no other options), but about the end of the trial.
“It felt like the ending of a very traumatic and difficult time, especially for those who were first to respond and the survivors who were hurt.
It was like keeping a wound open for seven long years. Any wound that was only partially healed needed to be reopened.
She describes the experience as intense and surreal, reflecting on it. It feels strange to be at home, and is a stark contrast to the Paris support network.
She still visits the site twice a year, on Nick’s birthday in February and the anniversary of the attack.
“We have champagne at the Bataclan Cafe and toast Nick and all the other victims. The crowd was young, music-loving and full of life. She says, “We always want that spark of them with,”
She says that although the trial didn’t bring her closure, it was not what she had been looking for.
“We won’t close the door to Nick’s past because it is part our family story.
“I cannot say that I have forgiven them yet. That can be confused with saying you accept what they did. We must move on without hatred.
“This isn’t the end of a book, or a chapter. But it is the turning a page. We are moving forward with love.”
She believes that the only way to learn from attackers is to “never join [them] where they are at”.
“I stated in my testimony that you cannot neutralize poison with more poison. It has been a tragic and huge waste of time if we don’t learn anything.
She and her parents now focus their energies on The Nick Alexander Music Trust which supports disadvantaged communities across the UK through music.
She says that music can prevent social isolation and intolerance which lead to these problems in the first instance.
They are currently in the initial stages of organizing a major sponsored event in Paris and the UK next year. She is very excited about the future.
She says Nick’s killers wanted us to be surrounded by fear, hatred, and darkness. “We have turned that around,” she said.
“I wanted them to hear it face-to-face. It was an incredible opportunity that I was given, and I am so grateful.”
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