Everyone knows the occasional self-doubt. But if, despite your successes, you are convinced that you are actually fooling others, it has a name: impostor syndrome. This is how you counter it.
An impostor is a phony and imposter. And the impostor syndrome makes those affected suffer from this very idea: I don’t deserve the success after all and I’m just pretending to be able to do something.
But even small steps can break this thought pattern, says business coach Nina Lizon. In an interview, she explains how it works and how those affected can even use this weakness for themselves.
What is Impostor Syndrome?
Nina Lizon: A very classic example from my coaching practice is that clients come to me when things are actually going really well. A successful project has been completed, there was great praise from the boss, and there may even be a prospect of a career move.
But then this nasty voice in your head says: Stop! I’m not that good, did I even deserve it, it’s just a coincidence that it worked. In addition, there is a catastrophe thinking along the lines of: Tomorrow it will all be revealed and then everyone will notice that I can’t do anything.
The main feature is that those affected are so plagued by self-doubt that they not only do not believe in their own success, but believe that they do not deserve it. And that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy it either. But it is important for me to say: Impostor is not an illness or a mental disorder.
Can this also affect other areas than the job?
It is a personality trait that can be more or less pronounced, it can vary in life phases and it can also be present in one area of ??life and not in another.
Impostor is everywhere where self-image and external image diverge and I think: I’m not worth the recognition and the success. For example, my partner assures me how much he loves me, but I doubt it. Not because I distrust my partner, but because I think: I didn’t deserve this love at all. The question of whether I’m really a good mother or a good father also goes in that direction. Perfectionism plays a big role at the Impostor.
Most people know self-doubt. How do I know if I have Impostor Syndrome?
The impostor is mainly noticeable over time. When I start a new job, it’s normal to be unsure at first and wonder if I can do it. Then the first successes come. As a rule, they make me more relaxed, I become more confident and the self-doubt decreases.
With the impostor, self-doubt does not diminish. Instead, as my success increases, I put even more pressure on myself. The demands I place on myself become even greater and I find no relief as I continue to move forward, everything becomes a burden. Connected with the thought: My success was just a coincidence and not my own achievement.
You mainly coach women – are they particularly affected?
People actually thought that for a long time. But we now know that Impostor is evenly distributed between men and women. I don’t find that surprising, because self-doubt isn’t male or female, it’s human. Instead, one could say: More introverted and perfectionistic people are more prone to impostor.
What’s the best way to get out of there?
I have three very low-level practical steps. The first is to become aware of these thoughts. Because then I can start working with it. The second step is to talk about it. This is one of the most important weapons against self-doubt. Anyone who tells others that they feel inadequate and believe they don’t deserve success will be surprised at the positive feedback. This can help to close the gap between self-image and external image.
Talking about it will also show how many people know these thoughts. Surveys show that 70 percent of people are repeatedly affected by such doubts in life. And the third thing is: Keep a success diary! Use it to record your successes, compliments, and feedback. Leaf through it from time to time to counteract the self-doubt in your head. There you have it in black and white.
They say you can even use Impostor for yourself – how so?
There are two options: either the impostor paralyzes and blocks us, or we use it as a motor and boost to successfully move forward. I always advise a change of perspective: What good has the impostor brought you?
When I ask questions in my coaching sessions, one answer stands out: Impostor sufferers prepare extremely well. They are often more motivated to learn because self-doubt spurs them on. You are more adept at recognizing harmful thought patterns, including in others. They are curious, ask questions and are more open to finding solutions than sticking to the old ways.
If I try to use a weakness for myself instead of against me, I can outperform and also enjoy my success – in an empathetic way, without being competitive.
(This article was first published on Sunday, January 29, 2023.)
